03 August 2013

Here's the thing...

I don't know if I've posted the story on this blog. As I get older, I write it differently but always with the core facts.

In the Summer of my 4th year, us kids had time on our hands while our parents tended our garden space at the Field. Somebody decides we'll tour Nathaniel Hawthorne's  house, The Wayside across the street. I believe it is Margaret Lothrop, the woman who lives there  that opens the door. Amused by a dusty bunch of kids, she tells us they aren't open yet, and there's also a fee. My brother extends a handful of coins indicating that's all we have. She graciously accepts the change for a children size group tour.
I remember one plain looking room with a big stove, and thinking it must be really cold there in the winter. Ms Lothrop shows us upstairs to a door that opens to a ladder size staircase  leading up to the cupola where Hawthorne use to write.
Up I go, and oh my gracious the room is lit up like a golden halo [in my memory]. I give the room a wide eyed gaze around, and do a laser beam stop on his desk thinking at that very instant...He, Mr. Hawthorne made money writing! Epiphany. Once in a life time. Numb. Thought coma. Stunned beyond my years and the cosmos. God has landed.
From below I hear them telling me to hurry up. Come down! Let us see! You've been up there long enough. But I couldn't move. Finally, and, very reluctantly,  I went back down.

That moment is when I knew I want to be a writer.
So what happened I'm not published?
Lots of crap gets in the way, mainly childhood and adult depression, keeping to myself, not wanting the attention, and finally...learning that living in my stories is a safe place nobody can *&%# up. Nobody bullies me there, makes fun of me or pushes me out of the way. I'm safe in my story world. I'm cool with being where I am in my life time. I love my young years in Concord. I love being from the Boston area. I love being a Flannery. And I love writing.

If someday I self-publish, then that will feel like being a halo...and who knows, I just might be wearing one by then. :)

2 comments:

  1. It is never to late to write that first book...I can relate to what you said about unpleasant and painful circumstances holding you back and about escaping into a safe place with your stories. I did that with my doodles and still do. I have only in the past few years started to venture into the art world. I think some of my fear is not failure...but losing my safe place. It just may be all those feelings is what will motivate your creativity. It did mine.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your beautiful words
      Yesterday I read some old stories I had forgotten about.
      Its interesting looking at a safe place after so many years.
      Motivation...yes, I believe you are right.

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